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eBay's huge selection

Some people may find eBay's google ad offensive.

posted Thu 28 Oct 2004 in /random/humour | link

UNIX Application or Outlawed Paramilitary/Guerrilla Organization?

McSweeny's: UNIX Application or Outlawed Paramilitary/Guerrilla Organization?

Correction: TNT is both a Unix application and a paramilitary organization. And several other things beside, though sadly not yet a dessert topping.

(Thankyou David.)

posted Tue 21 Sep 2004 in /random/humour | link

Slightly used Lamborghini

eBay:

You are bidding on a slightly used Lamborghini. It only has 121 miles garage kept. Had a small brake problem.

posted Thu 1 Jul 2004 in /random/humour | link

Rumsfeld Fighting Technique

Rumsfeld Fighting Technique

Stephane says: it's funny because it's funny.

posted Tue 22 Jun 2004 in /random/humour | link

"Bereaved suffer less after euthanasia"

I used to think those headlines were just made up, but according to mediawatch, the ABC really did write:

New study finds bereaved suffer less after euthanasia

posted Fri 18 Jun 2004 in /random/humour | link

The lighter side of occupational health and safety

From S:

For your information: The next time a member of staff receives a radioactive injection prior to a bone scan or other medical procedure, please don't approach the safety officer to ask for a radiation detector and give the impression that there has been an accident. It has already been done!!! I must congratulate the organisers of this joke on it's success, whether it was intentional or not (and I don't think it was). If I was a cat I probably used up about seven of my lives this morning. It is just a shame that they were a day late; April Fool's Day was yesterday. - Andrew.

posted Tue 6 Apr 2004 in /random/humour | link

Great source filenames

From a source tarball I just received:

fm/src/cpp/fm/memprovider/test/HASStub/has/common/util/:wq!

(I think your fly is undone.)

posted Tue 6 Apr 2004 in /random/humour/nerdy | link

signal:noise?

I received this email. This is the *entire* mail body, with only the organization name removed:

Your e-mail has been received and will be attended to in due course.
                                                                                
                                                                                
**********************************************************************
                                WARNING
                                                                                
This email message and any attached files may contain information
that is confidential and subject of legal privilege intended only for
use by the individual or entity to whom they are addressed.   If you
are not the intended recipient or the person responsible for
delivering the message to the intended recipient be advised that you
have received this message in error and that any use, copying,
circulation, forwarding, printing or publication of this message or
attached files is strictly forbidden, as is the disclosure of the
information contained therein. If you have received this message in
error, please notify the sender immediately and delete it from your
InBox.
                                                                                
**********************************************************************

posted Fri 26 Mar 2004 in /random/humour/nerdy | link

clear text

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
Content-Description: Message in clear text
 
THIS=20DOCUMENT=20IS=20AUTOMATICALLY=20GENERATED.
PLEASE=20DO=20NOT=20RESPOND=20TO=20THIS=20MAIL.
=20=20=20
=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20QANTAS=20E-TICKET=20ITINERA=
RY=20AND=20RECEIPT
=20
=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=
ABN=2016=20009=20661=20901
=20=20INTERNATIONAL=20CUSTOMERS=20REQUIRE=20THIS=20DOCUMENT=20FOR=20IMMI=
GRATION,

posted Wed 24 Mar 2004 in /random/humour/nerdy | link

googlehack

Try googling for miserable failure.

posted Thu 4 Dec 2003 in /random/humour | link

Really fast

leighklotz writes:

Last weekend I got a call from Comcast offering me Cable Internet service for an introductory rate of $21.95/mo. I asked how fast and the telecaller said, "Six hundred and thirty five gigabytes." I said, "Per month? Per hour? Per second?" She said, "Per second, sir."

I asked, "Can I run servers?"

She said, "Yes sir!"

I said, "On port 80 and port 25?"

She said, "On all ports, sir."

I said, "Before I sign up I'd like to speak to your supervisor to confirm this great deal."

Sadly, the deal evaporated when I got to speak the the sympathiser, but she was interested in what I wanted. I told her I had 1Mb/1Mb symmetric access and static 8 IP addresses, and she asked what they could do to get me to move to Comcast Cable Internet service. I suggested perhaps symmetric service 1.5Mb/1.5Mb would be nice, or perhaps 3Mb down and a portable Class C netblock to do multi-homing with my current 1Mb SDSL uplink. She wrote it all down and said she'd pass my request along.

I'm still smarting at the loss of the 635GB/sec downlink for $21.95/mo though!

posted Tue 30 Sep 2003 in /random/humour | link

If airlines sold paint...

(Forwarded):

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?

Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.

Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?

Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different prices up to $200 a gallon.

Customer: What's the difference in the paint?

Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.

Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint.

Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?

Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off.

Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.

Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?

Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3 weeks. But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.

Customer: You've got to be *&%#@* kidding!

Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint available.

Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it!

Clerk: But it doesn't mean that we have paint available. We sell only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price per gallon just went to $16. We don't have any more $12 paint.

Customer: The price went up as we were talking?

Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times a day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. I suggest you purchase your paint as soon as possible. How many gallons do you want?

Customer: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six, so I'll have enough.

Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy paint and don't use it, there are penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.

Customer: WHAT?

Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will lose your remaining gallons of paint.

Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the paint? I already paid you for it!

Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is used, every drop. If you don't, it causes us all sorts of problems.

Customer: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible happens if I don't keep painting until after Saturday night!

Clerk: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically becomes the $200 paint.

Customer: But what are all these, "Paint on sale from $10 a liter" signs?

Clerk: Well that's for our budget paint. It only comes in half-gallons. One $5 half-gallon will do half a room. The second half-gallon to complete the room is $20. None of the cans have labels, some are empty and there are no refunds, even on the empty cans.

Customer: To hell with this! I'll buy what I need somewhere else!

Clerk: I don't think so, sir. You may be able to buy paint for your bathroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining room from someone else, but you won't be able to paint your connecting hall and stairway from anyone but us. And I should point out, sir, that if you paint in only one direction, it will be $300 a gallon.

Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was $200!

Clerk: That's if you paint around the room to the point at which you started. A hallway is different.

Customer: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but only paint in one direction, you'll confiscate the remaining paint.

Clerk: No, we'll charge you an extra use fee plus the difference on your next gallon of paint. But I believe you're getting it now, sir.

Customer: You're insane!

Clerk: Thanks for painting with United.

posted Wed 17 Sep 2003 in /random/humour | link

Hanson Song revisited

On Fri, 22 Aug 2003, Mr Rudd wrote:

I don't like it, when you turn my cell about.
I don't like it, coz you let David Oldfield out.

My cellmate has been murdered,
my cellmate has been murdered,
my jail warden murdered,
my privileges just gone.

1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8, convict rubbish, convict hate,

I don't like it, when prison stripes are white,
I don't like it, when the guards spotlights are bright.

Please explain,
why can't my cellmate be coloured white?

I should talk to some prison doctors,
a coloured cellmate, it's just not right.

I don't like anything, I can't do anything about it.

But I like Bee Smith,
But I'm not gay
'cos I left my heart in old Long Bay.

I don't like anything,
except I like Chopper Reid.

Prison dance, prison dance, prison nation?
Not a chance!

Prison dance, Prison dance,
out of my bunk, out of my cell.

I don't like a screw without strings,
vinegar tits is in the wings,
and shes saying convict things
I won't cop that, no way.
I can't do anything about it.

But I like dancing,
and I like the Jazz,
'cos I left my heart in Alcatraz..

No, the whole thing is wrong and it stinks,
and I don't like it.

posted Tue 2 Sep 2003 in /random/humour | link

Freak of the week

Slashdot:

We've got a related project called 'GridShell' that may be of some interest to the readers. Basically, it gives a slick WebUI as a front-end to an AI Grid Computing interface. As an added bonus, we've included our new implementation of the AWESOME new programming language 'SequenceL', which will AUTOMATICALLY and INTELLIGENTLY PARALLELIZE and DISTRIBUTE ITSELF across pretty much any Grid of Grids or Clusters or SuperComputers or whatever. You can check it out now at http://gridshell.sourceforge.net [sourceforge.net]

Thanks!

-Will MacBraswald, Jr.
Creator, GridShell

PS - Why didn't the /. editors want to post a story about this?

posted Fri 29 Aug 2003 in /random/humour | link

Spam Composition

You fail it

My New Year's Resolutions, As Dictated By Spam Subject Lines

and lots of other good stuff.

posted Tue 22 Jul 2003 in /random/humour | link

Translation Issue (fwd)

If you were a company called Powergen and you had a subsidiary
that operated in Italy, what would you call that company's Web site?.

Probably not http://www.powergenitalia.com

But they really did.  ...

posted Tue 22 Jul 2003 in /random/humour | link

Welcome to init

From the LNX-BBC startup:

echo "Welcome to init!"
debug "Your PID today will be $$."
debug "If your travel plans today do not include PID $$, now would be a good"
debug "time to disembark."

posted Fri 11 Jul 2003 in /random/humour/nerdy | link

Copyright (C) 1999-2007 Martin Pool.